.:. in and out of season .:.

.:.inklings.:. December 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Ellen @ 12:08 am

i have been working out at this gym for the past couple of days… we have a free week-long guest membership, and i am milking it for all  it’s worth.  they have a climbing wall, pool, and all kinds of cool gear, and it has been so great to go there after work, or with nat later at night, and exercise and sit in the hot tub.  i think that we will be buying a membership to a gym in the next few weeks – if not this one than a different one, maybe a little closer to home.  i have noticed a change in me the past few days, a level of calm and energy at the same time, that i haven’t felt in a while.  exercise does that to everyone, i know.  i guess with the cold weather i have stopped doing much activity altogether, even running fewer errands, and my body (and mind) have missed it.  i LOVE how occupied watching music videos keeps me while i am running… so motivational!

something i heard in a sermon a few months ago keeps resonating in my heart:  “do not be a slave to your emotions.”    i repeat it to myself sometimes when i can feel steam rising in my chest, or my mind fogging with annoyance or worry.  “ellen, do NOT be a slave to your emotions.”  in no way, great or small, do i want this to be true of me, and i know the strong tendency in myself to be emotion-based, and i know that i can pawn that off as being “passionate” or “free-spirited” or any number of desirable traits.  i am learning that it is not desirable to God to be so driven by my own faulty feelings and moods and swings of emotion.  how often i let others dicate my feelings, and allow circumstance to change my mind and my heart…  that is not truth-based, and it is not a wise way to live, and i want to discipline myself to be passionate and free-spirited, and in tune with truth, and with what I am feeling so that I can confront it and CHOOSE it, or decide against it.

and, random, but i kind of hope nat and i never own a tv.                  

so many have said, “i just like it for the community aspect.”  i don’t know about that…..i think i would agree more if i liked a number of shows as much as i like Lost, but i don’t, and i know it sounds old-fashioned to say, but i find 90% of things on tv really trashy, and i am disgusted by how desensitized i have come to be about that.  i guess i don’t really want to make a strong case against the trashiness of tv right now… really, the root of what i mean comes from loving the peace that is here, and the conversations we have, and how distraction-free it is, and as a result, we don’t feel the need to compare ourselves to the rest of the world because of what we watch – – i do enough of that without it.  i am just glad for it, and i don’t think i will be too sad if we never own one.  

oh, anyway….

our dreams of moving to alaska are seeming to take on a little more shape lately, due largely to the fact that Nick is in town, and we have been hanging out with him a lot and talking alaska constantly.   there seem to be endless opportunities and options for us there, as far as jobs/ministry/schooling, and then there is the adventure, and the beauty, and the friends and family, and the active lifestyle of living in a place like that… we are longing for it, and longing for another adventure, while we are so free and mobile… and i think it could happen!  i can transfer to another Starbucks starting in April, and our lease is up in October… perhaps in between there, or a little after… or another time altogether.


for now, for today, i am going to work on our christmas gifts, and i am going to bake some oatmeal bread, and i am going to enjoy the feeling of a tired body, the freedom from being enslaved to my emotions, the peace that comes from no tv, and the dreams of alaskan adventures.  


and i will also be dreaming of the warm sunshine.



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